Warrior Madness
by Ravenwing101
Summary: This is the REAL story of Rusty's life. He went into the forest, risking his life for one major thing...cupcakes...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1- Oh crap, I just wasted my life**

Rusty went up to Smudge, "Who are you?"

"IVE BEEN LIVING NEXT TO YOU FOR A YEAR AND YOU STILL DONT KNOW ME!?" Smudge asked.

"Do you know where I can find some cupcakes?" Rusty asked.

"IN CANDYLAND! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW!?" Smudge yelled.

"CANDYLAND!? Where's that?"

"Down a manhole," Smudge growled.

"I've seen a manhole! In the forest!" Rusty said.

_**Thats why Rusty went into the forest.**_

"OH MY CAT GOD! ITS A GIANT GORILLA!" Rusty screamed.

"Hey!" Graypaw roared.

"I didn't know Gorilla's talked cat. HEEELLLLOOOOO, MY NAAAAAAMEEE IS RUUUUUUUSTIE!"

"I'm a cat! A warrior cat!" Graypaw said.

"Maybe when cats fly."

JUST THEN... DOVEWING GOT IN A CATAPULT AND SHOT HERSELF UP.

"Huh, I guess cats can fly." Rusty said, seeing Dovewing fly.

"What are you doing the ThunderClan territory?!" Graypaw asked.

"I'm searching for cupcakes!"

"What's a cupcake?"

Rusty gasped in horror, "YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A CUPCAKE IS!? IM SO SORRY!"

To be continued...

_**Well that was 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- Why Rusty joined ThunderClan**

"OMG!" Rusty screamed, "CUPCAKESSSSS!"

Rusty ran towards a stack of frosting.

"ITS CHOCOLATE TOO!" Rusty sang.

"That's fox dung..." Graypaw said.

"BLAHHHHH!" Rusty threw up, "I don't know what's worse. The fact I ate it or the fact I liked it."

"GRAYPAW!" A voice roared.

"ITS THE MONSTER!" Graypaw hid behind Rusty.

"Hey! I heard that!" Bluestar said, "WHY ARE YOU WITH SUCH A FATTY!?"

"HEY! IM ONLY LIKE 70 POUNDS!" Rusty said.

"Sorry, Bluefart, I didn't mean to hangout with kittypets." Graypaw apologized.

"LIAR!" Bluestar said.

"FINE IM 100 POUNDS!" Rusty confessed.

"Not what I meant. Anyway, join the clan and save the forest."

"Do I get cupcakes?" Rusty asked.

"No." Bluestar said, disappointing. "All work, no pain."

"That's so unfair!" Rusty said.

"There's a hot medicine cat." Bluestar said.

"ILL DO IT!"

"Seriously?" Graypaw asked.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- What Rusty's job really is**

"OMG, SO UR HOT!" Rusty said to Spottedleaf.

"Uhh thanks?" Spottedleaf said.

"Rusty!" Bluestar said, "To join the clan, you must defeat longtail."

"But he is twice my size! And he has been training forever while I have been eating and sleeping forever!" Rusty argued.

"Honestly, just do it." Graypaw said, "After you get beat up, uh... I mean win, Spottedleaf will see you as a champion!"

"You're right, FOR THE SPOTTEDLEAF! AND BECAUSE BLUESTAR WILL KILL ME IF I DONT!" Rusty said.

The ginger kittypet slammed into Longtail, knocking himself out. Longtail face palmed.

"That actually went better than I thought." Bluestar said.

"So I'm a warrior now?" Rusty asked.

"Nah I think you will be a dung sweeper." Bluestar said.

"WHAT!" Rusty said.

"I, Bluestar, call upon my died warrior ghosts to look upon this... this fatty. Rusty, will you protect the clan of dung even if it costs your life?"

"NO WAY!"

"Then I dub you, Firepoop" Bluestar said.

"THATS HORRIBLE!" Firepoop said.

"At least your name and your fighting skill are alike, they're both horrible!" Graypaw taunted.

"I hate you." Firepoop said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- Like a boss!**

Graypaw gave a tour of the clan to Firepoop.

"This is the apprentice den." Graypaw said.

"Cool, where do we sleep?" Firepoop asked.

"Here." Graypaw said

"In a cave!?"

"It gets better over time." Graypaw said, "Try a nest next to me."

Firepoop sat on a nest. "OW WHAT IS THIS THING MADE OUT OF!? NAILS!?"

"I made that one!" Graypaw snapped.

"WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY BACK!?"

"Try this." Graypaw put down a piece of fresh kill.

"Oh a mouse!" Firepoop said.

"AND I DIDNT PUT ANYTHING POSION IN IT." Graypaw lied badly.

"Om om om om. Yum!" Firepoop said.

"How are you not dead?" Graypaw asked.

"It's not as bad as what humans feed you. Are those cat food or poop pebbles?" Firepoop recalled.

Then a ginger apprentice came in. Sandpaw, "Ew, you let a kittypet in here?"

"His fighting isn't as bad as yours!" Graypaw defended.

"That's no way to talk to a lady!" Sandpaw argued.

"YOURE A GIRL?" Firepoop asked her.

Sandpaw smacked Firepoop in the face and walked away.

"Let me show you the other dens." Graypaw suggested, "There's the elders den, that's the nursery den and that's the warriors den."

"Hey kittypet!" Longtail, WHO HAS A SILVER PELT NOT A YELLOW PELT, came walking up to them. "Want to go home yet?"

"He is a better warrior than you!" Graypaw defended.

"Stop hiding behind this kittypet and let's fight, like really men!" Longtail challenged Graypaw.

"YOURE A GUY!?" Firepoop asked Longtail.

Longtail smacked Firepoop and left.

"Hey Foxpaw!" Graypaw called.

"DONT FART ON ME AGAIN!" Foxpaw said.

Graypaw farted, "Firepoop, meet Foxpaw."

"Greetings Earthling." Foxpaw said.

"HOTE HOTE HOTE HOTA, YIPIIE YIPIIE YIPIEE YA!" Firepoop said.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Graypaw asked.

"I'm speaking fox, I learned from 'what did the fox say' WOPA WOPA WOPA WOOOOPA!" Firepoop said.

"He isn't a real fox, he just has the same fur as one." Graypaw said.

"Oh..." Firepoop said.

"And what you said was very rude!" Foxpaw said.

Foxpaw slapped Firepoop and walked away.

"Ow, my face hurts from all the slapping." Firepoop moaned.

"Let's go to the medicine cat, maybe she'll make you feel better." Graypaw suggested.

Suddenly... There was a yowl coming from the leader's den...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5- Mystery**

Firepoop and Graypaw rushed towards the den.

"What happened?" Graypaw asked.

"He's dead..." Ravenpaw muttered.

"Who?" Bluestar asked.

"MY X BOX!" Ravenpaw cried.

Bluestar facepalmed.

"Oh no!" Firepoop meowed out of sympathy.

"I found claw marks on the wire, it was murder!" Ravenpaw said.

Everyone looked at Tigerclaw.

"I didn't do it!" Tigerclaw spat.

"Back at my home, there was a mystery as well." Firepoop said, "It was a robbery. Late at night, the cookies were stolen."

Bluestar sighed, "Can't we be normal for once?"

"What happened, Firepoop?" Graypaw asked curiously.

"Well I became Detective Rusty! And I figured out the robber!" Firepoop said.

"Who?" Ravenpaw asked.

"Me." Firepoop said, "I usually eat late at night."

Graypaw and Ravenpaw face palmed.

"The lesson of this story is that I am an awesome detective and I can figure this mystery out." Firepoop said.

Firepoop then became Detective Fire.

"Tell me everything you know, Ravenpaw." Detective Fire said.

"Well it was yesterday when I was playing it all night. I can't get over how awesome minecraft is. Then I rested for a hour and found out that my X box was broken!" Ravenpaw said.

"Where were you?" Graypaw asked.

"Playing next to the high rock." Ravenpaw said.

"Anyone near you?" Detective Fire asked.

"Just me... But I did see a cat wander around just before I slept." Ravenpaw added.

"What color pelt?" Graypaw asked.

"It was midnight so I couldn't see well. Brown? Or was it purple?" Ravenpaw recalled. "That's all I remember."

"Assistant Gray, let's go to the crime scene." Detective Fire said.

"Why am I the assistant?" Assistant Gray asked.

"Because I look good in a mystery solving coat." Detective Fire said.

* * *

Detective Fire took his magnifying glass and looked closely at the X box.

"Hey Tigerclaw, where were you last night?" Detective Fire asked.

"Sleeping." He said.

"Really?" Assistant Gray asked suspiciously.

"Yes really!" He said, louder, "Are you calling me a liar?"

"Yes!" Assistant Gray said.

Tigerclaw punched Assistant Gray in the face and left.

"I think Tigerclaw did it, after all, Tigerclaw wanted Ravenpaw to train instead of play. That gives a good reason for the X box crime." Detective Fire said.

"Let's find the other brown pelted cats here." Assistant Gray suggested.

The detective crew went to the cranky Mousefur.

"Where were you yesterday at night?" Detective Fire asked.

"In my den, where else." Mousefur sassed.

"LIAR!" Detective Fire roared.

Mousefur punched Detective Fire in the face.

"Think Assistant Gray, who could have seen the culprit?" Detective Fire asked.

"Hmmm... well Bluestar might know, she has cameras all around the camp ." Assistant Gray said.

"Oh yeah, she wanted to watch for trespassers." Detective Fire recalled.

The Detective crew went to Bluestar.

"Hey Blue Banana." Detective Fire greeted.

"Don't call me that. What do you want." Bluestar asked.

"We want to use your camera." Detective Fire said.

"No." Bluestar said.

"Too late." Assistant Gray took the camera and ran.

"This is why you guys aren't warriors yet..." Bluestar muttered.

"Now, to finally see who was the X Box murderer!" Detective Fire said.

Assistant Gray started the camera. They saw Ravenpaw playing his X Box.

"He is really bad at Call Of Duty." Detective Fire commented.

"Ah ha, I see someone in the background." Assistant Gray pointed out.

"It's... Me?" Detective Fire asked.

"WHAT!" Assistant Gray said, confused.

"I remember, I sleep walk." Detective Fire said, "I also like to cover myself in chocolate and destroy stuff."

Assistant Gray facepalmed, "You're an idiot."

"I know..." Detective Fire said. "Wanna cover yourself in pudding?"

"HECK YEAH!" Assistant Gray said.

Together, the Detective Crew covered theirselves in awesome food. But Ravenpaw was sad forever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6- Forbidden love**

"Spottedleaf, will you marry me?" Firepoop asked.

"Um, Firepoop." Spottedleaf said, "Medicine cats can't love and I'm like... way older than you..."

"Oh... NOOOOOOOO!" Firepoop cried.

"I also don't like guys who play with Barbie dolls." Spottedleaf said.

"Their Barbie action-figures!" Firepoop corrected, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to cry into my pillow."

* * *

"WAHHHH!" Firepoop cried, "WHY DOESNT ANYONE LOVE ME?"

"I love you!" Cinderkit confessed.

"Oh, I meant why doesn't any _girl_ love me." He corrected himself.

"I'm a girl!" Cinderkit said.

"YOU ARE!?" Firepoop asked.

Cinderkit started to cry into her pillow, "WHY DOESNT ANY CAT LOVE ME!?"

And the cycle of random loves begin.

"Hey Firepoop!" Graypaw said, "I just met the most beautiful girl on earth! Besides Taylor Swift."

"Who?" Firepoop asked.

"Silverstream!" Graypaw said.

"Who?" Firepoop asked.

"Silverstream, the girl who talked to you every gathering." Graypaw said.

"OH!" Firepoop said.

"You remember her?" Graypaw asked.

"Nope." Firepoop said.

Graypaw facepalmed, "Anyway, how do i get her to like me?"

"It's easy, get some rose and use a cheesy pick up line." Firepoop said.

"You've been watching way too much romance movies." Graypaw said.

"Shut up! I love the fault in our stars!" Firepoop said.

"Whatever, I guess if using cheesy pick up lines works in the movies, it will work in real life!" Graypaw said.

The gray apprentice took some flowers and ran straight for RiverClan.

"SILVERSTREAM!" Graypaw called.

"What?" Silverstream asked.

"You know what's on the MENU? It's Me-N-U." Graypaw said.

"Really? Because on RiverClan's menu, it's just fish." Silverstream said.

"Do you have a band-aid? Cuz I scrap my leg when I fell for you." Graypaw said.

"You scrapped your leg? Ill go get some medicine!" Silverstream said.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have took Firepoop's advice on flirting." Graypaw said.

Me- "Agreed."

* * *

Graypaw went to Bluestar.

"Bluestar, I need to ask you a question about love." Graypaw said.

"Oh, go ahead." Bluestar said.

"How do I get a girl to like me?" Graypaw asked.

"Just tell her you like her." Bluestar said, "Say what you really feel inside."

"Just tell her how I feel?" Graypaw asked, "Man, you're bad at love."

Bluestar kicked Graypaw out of her den.

Graypaw stuck his tongue out, "Whatever!"

"Graypaw!" Silverstream called.

"What?" Graypaw asked.

"I have your kit." Silverstream said.

"MY KIT?" Graypaw exclaimed.

"Yeah, your first-aid kit." Silverstream said.

**Did anyone understand that last pun? Kit as in kitten and and first-aid kit...**


End file.
